For Zachary

Today my thoughts are with the Ashton Family.  It has been exactly one year since Zachary died and I can only imagine how tough this day is for them.  I wish I could be with my sister, to hug her and cry with her because what else can you do on a day like today.  Perhaps I should express what I have learned (or relearned) during this past year:

1.  My sister Gillian is the strongest person I know.  While we were there for Zach's funeral she was so hospitable and welcoming, making sure we all had food and a place to sleep.  I don't think I would have been able to get out of bed, yet here she was concerned about everyone else, especially the other person involved in the accident.  And then the next week she packed up her grieving family and went to California for our other sister's wedding.  I don't think I could have done it.  During this past year, I have never seen her feel sorry for herself or heard her say "why me."  She is truly an inspiration.  I love her and I'm lucky to have her as a sister.

2.  Families are eternal.  I've known this, but I have gained a greater testimony of its truthfulness during this whole experience.  I have also gained a greater testimony of the pre-existence or the time before this mortal life.  I don't really know how it all works, but it makes me happy to think of Zach being with Avery before she got here.  That they knew each other, that we all knew each other before we were born even though we may not get the opportunity to meet during our earthly life.

3.  Moms will do anything for their kids.  I saw my non-dog-loving sister embrace the responsibility of two, no three dogs in an effort to bring a little joy to the rest of her family.  I am pretty sure I would go to similar lengths if it meant my kids could hurt a little less.

4.  I was not blessed with the gift of knowing the right thing to say at the right time.  In fact, I frequently don't know how to express what I am feeling.  I wish I could be more profound, more eloquent.  All I know how to do is love and listen.  I hope that is enough.

5.  I need to be more patient with my kids.  I don't want to have any regrets.

6.  It is OK for my house to be a bit messy right now.  Snuggling with my new baby is more important.

Today we remember Zachary.  He will be in our hearts every Valentine's Day.